Ah-ha! found the log for the instance itself. it was too large to pastebin so I just grabbed the end of the log when I logged out of my single player world to try and get onto mine together connect.
https://pastebin.com/21z1S8Lr
I'm trying to connect to my bf with minetogether connect and it keeps giving me an "internal exception: io.netty.handler.codec.encoderexception:java.lang.nullpointerexception"
when he tried to enter my game he got the same thing and the second time he restarted the game and tried again it just timed out. Any suggestions on how to fix it?