Fair enough, thanks for such a thorough response!
Edit: I didn't include my debug report because it seemed like a waste of time and energy to go through the steps upload it to github or somewhere else when I only have the client side to offer. I have a life outside of Minecraft (it is, after all, just a game), so even posting to a forum for help is beyond what I feel is reasonable for a game that should work when installed and opened properly. That said, since making my original post I now can no longer even reach the page included in the screenshot above as now the game is JUST crashing over and over.
If posting debug logs is mandatory, then this forum should offer the ability to include attachments natively without the need to use a third party like imgur or github. I shouldn't have to create yet another account with yet another company/service (or use one at all, for that matter) just to get assistance here. This seems like common sense to me, but that's just my perspective.